Lonely Hearts | One-Shot

Genre | boyfriend!au, fluff, and some angst

Pairing | Namjoon x reader

→ Summary | Loneliness was a terrible feeling, yet sometimes it could be everything a person needed. And sometimes, you just can’t stand the thought of sleeping alone.

Loneliness was a terrible feeling, yet sometimes it could be everything a person needed. And loneliness was sometimes welcoming and nice, and sometimes it was the worst thing in the entire world. You, though, didn’t seem to mind being alone. Not even when the rain was pouring outside, and the thunder was sounding throughout the skies. The glimpses of lightning illuminated your tiny, dark apartment. The power was out, and the darkness was somewhat welcoming as you sat on the couch, looking out over the skyline of Seoul. The dark skyline that was also illuminated once in a while by the lightning. You sipped silently on your tea as you listened to the rain hitting the window. You managed to make a cup of tea before the power went out, thank God.

You couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing on this dark night. Was he lonely too? You were kind of hoping he was because he was the reason why you were lonely. You had been ignoring his calls, mindlessly throwing your phone away whenever his picture appeared on the screen. You were pissed, furious. But you missed him. You couldn’t lie to yourself. You missed him so much. And right now, at this moment, his embrace was probably something you missed more him. Just the way his arms would snake around your frame whenever he feels the goosebumps on your skin, the way his lips would plant kisses to the back of your head as he pulled you closer to his chest. It was all so real and so fake at the same time, and how ironic it was that he wasn’t here this one night where you needed him the most. But the loneliness didn’t seem unbearable, not in the slightest.

The last bit of your tea was gone in a second, and you sighed heavily to yourself as you placed the mug on the coffee table. You hadn’t cried for hours, not since you had pushed him out the door and thrown his bag at him. He had arrived home from the tour this night, a few hours ago to be exact. He was frowning when you opened the door, revealing him and his tall frame. You knew why he was frowning so deeply, and he only managed to take one single step into the apartment before you had pushed him out again. You couldn’t look at him. Not with that image of him and her in your head. And you knew you should probably have let him explain because he wasn’t the type of person to ever cheat on you. But you had been disappointed before.

Your phone rang, startling you. You groaned lightly as his picture flashed on the screen. You pressed the red button, ignoring the call and sending him directly to voicemail. Then a knock was on the door, banging almost. You stared at the door as you moved closer. You listened, hearing breathing on the other side. You froze when he spoke.

“Y/N,” he said ever so softly, voice husky and low. Your breath hitched in your throat, afraid he’d hear your breathing. “I know you can hear me.”

His voice pleaded, making your eyes shut tightly. Your breath was shaky as you grabbed the door handle and opened the door. You came face to face with the man that left your apartment a few hours ago. His coat was drenched, hair matted to his head as he stood before you. And you couldn’t really tell if it was just the rain or if it was actual tears. His eyes were bloodshot, hooded too, as he looked at you. You sucked in a breath.

“Why are you here, Namjoon?” You asked, voice shaky and you mentally cursed at yourself. He looks at the ground, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to find the right words to say.

“I don’t know actually,” he said, slowly and almost whispering. Your eyes raked down his slender figure, noticed how he was drenched in rain from head to toe. “I just-”

He stopped talking as he looked up at you. He really hated the pained look on your usually beautiful features. Not that you weren’t beautiful, but he would rather see you smiling than frowning so deeply. Namjoon absolutely hated seeing you this hurt, especially when he was the reason. He didn’t do it, and he knew it looked bad on the cover of the magazine. But Namjoon would never do such thing when he knew you were at home, waiting for him with a warm embrace and soft kisses.

“I know you hate me,” he said as he stepped closer. You folded your arms over your chest, creating a barrier between him and yourself. He frowned slightly as he stopped himself from stepping any further. “But you have to believe me when I say I didn’t do it.”

He was pleading, eyes were broken. You shook your head, stepping backward and away from him. “I can’t get the image out of my head, Namjoon,” you said as you glanced up at him before looking down again. You couldn’t stand the way he looked so broken and hurt. He wasn’t supposed to be hurt, you were.

“I know,” Namjoon whispered as he stepped closer. “But you know I would never do that to you.” You closed your eyes, hating how close he was. You could smell his cologne, the strong and musky scent hitting your nostrils and slowly pulling you closer because that was the familiar smell of home and security. The close proximity of him was making you go crazy. You weren’t able to think.

“Please go,” you told him in a whisper.

“But-”

You looked up at him, now noticing how close he was. His breath hit your face as you stared into his eyes.

“Go.”

His eyes dropped to the floor, a frown on his face as he backed away from you. He nodded lightly, lips in a thin line as his eyes raked over your face once again before leaving down the hallway. You stood in the door, body frozen and stiff as you stared at the floor. Your boyfriend, or whatever he was at this point, came to you at 11 pm. Drenched in rain, and possibly tears, to make you forgive him for something he didn’t do. And you kind of believed him but there were pictures on the cover of a damn magazine. A quiet cry left your mouth as you were pulled from your trance.

And the tears kept falling as you made your way to bed, eyes red and nose running as you slipped under the covers. The thunder was still in the skies, lightning still the only search of light in your small apartment. And you weren’t able to sleep one bit. You stared at the ceiling, the lightning illuminating it once in a while. And your phone startles you for the second time this night. It was him again, and you missed him so much. Your feels got the best of you as you pick up the phone, placing it to your ear.

You could hear his breathing on the other line, his voice cracking slightly as he said your name. Your heart broke just like his voice as you listen to his words.

“I hate this,” he whispers, “I really fucking hate this and I’m so selfish for saying this but I miss you, and I love you so much. You have to forgive me.”

You sniffle lightly, hoping he didn’t hear. “Namjoon-”

“No Y/N, you can hate as much as you want,” he says sternly, “I just need you to know that I will love you as long as you’ll allow me to.”

You smile softly.

“And the truth is,” he said softly, “I can’t sleep without you.”

Your smile widened. “The truth is I can’t sleep without you either,” you told him.

And you didn’t really expect him to come to your apartment for the second time on this rainy night, but he knocked on your front door at 1 am. And you opened the door, revealing a very tired looking man. Everything feels normal as he wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you closer to his body. He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck as he whispers: “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Joon.”

Namjoon took you to bed that night, holding you close to his body and wrapping you in his warm embrace. His plump lips find their usual spot, which is the back of your head, pressing soft kisses into your hair. Namjoon loves the scent of your hair and the soft feeling of your skin against his. You both knew that you had things to talk about the next morning, but right now, this was all you needed.